Tagged Humor

Theory of the Universe

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Douglas Adams

Caw, Caw

The crows are calling my name, thought Caw.

Jack Handey

I don’t know why but this line cracks me up every time I read it. Jack Handey is brilliant.

Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Shoeless Paraprosdokian

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away and he won’t have any shoes.

— Unknown

How could I resist? After yesterday’s exhortation to embrace empathy, it seemed only fitting to also quote a brilliant variation on the old moccasins quote.

It turns out that the above quote is a perfect example of a paraprosdokian – a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe the first part. Other good examples include my previous post from Ellen DeGeneres or my all time favorite, “When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather did . . . and not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

Joys of Yacht Racing

If you want to experience the joys of yacht racing in the comfort of your own home, simply stand fully clothed in an ice cold shower and tear up $100 bills.

— Unknown