Walk A Mile In My Moccasins

ByHeather

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his moccasins.

— Source: my mom, although usually attributed to Native American sources but could be from ancient Rome and may have roots in Christ’s teaching in the Bible.

Even though this quote is an oldie but a goodie, it seemed fitting for my three day run with aphorisms on empathy. Loosely defined, empathy is the capability to share and understand another person’s emotions and feelings.

I believe that empathy is one of the most powerful tools in leadership, business, and life. By putting yourself in “the other person’s shoes” you can have richer interactions and make better decisions on every front. I am much more effective as a leader if I imagine how my style and actions are perceived by those I am endeavoring to lead. The products that I create or the services that I provide are much more valuable if put myself inside the mind of my customers as I create and deliver them.

On a very practical level, I was sitting in the audience of several presentations last week in which the speaker had filled his PowerPoint slides with so much text that they were barely readable. Worse, each click to a new slide presented me with a dilemma: should I tune out the speaker so as to absorb what is written on the slides? or should I ignore what is showing on the slides so as to listen to what the speaker is saying? Why didn’t the speaker imagine for one minute what it was going to be like to sit in the audience of their presentation? I know they put a lot of thought into what they wanted to tell me. Why didn’t they put a little thought into what it would be like to hear their message?

Empathy can be learned (I took a course on it in graduate school). Try it. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, if only for a moment.

Similar Posts

  • Government

    ByHeather

    Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

    — Mark Twain

    As I watched the latest meltdown from the latest cabinet confirmations I can’t help but think that Mark Twain may have been on to something in his assessment of people who run for political office.

    It has been obvious to me for a long time that congress is broken. I couldn’t quite articulate exactly how I thought it was broken but I knew something was wrong. And then I discovered Lawrence Lessig’s latest mission. Partnering with Joe Trippi, he is determined to change congress. He makes a powerful case that lobbying and special interests have eroded the very foundations of the constitution.

  • Soaring to the Highest Heights

    ByHeather

    . . . those who can soar to the highest heights can also plunge to the deepest depths, and the natures which suffer most sharply are those which also enjoy most keenly.

    — Lucy Maud Montgomery, Ann of the Island

    I grew up in a home where showing emotions was not encouraged. As I set out on my own I was proud of my ability to maintain an even keel. But as time wore on I came to realize that holding my emotions in check was just a cloak for numbness. A dear friend offered me this quote and I was suddenly free.

    In order to soar to emotional heights I had to allow myself the possibility of plunging to the deepest depths. Goodbye even keel. I learned to embrace the lows and reveled in the highs. Sometimes you have to live with the rain. But when the sun eventually comes out — and it always does — the warmth and the light are more glorious than ever.

  • Spelling

    ByHeather

    People who can’t spell a word in more than one way are dumb.

    — W. C. Fields

    I stumbled upon this quote early in my career and have had the opportunity to recite it countless times. I taught high school for two years right out of college and the students were merciless. I moved on to teaching at the college level for many more years where the students were more forgiving but no less astute. Then I made the move to corporate America where, as a business professional, there no end to the opportunities to make presentations or take notes at the whiteboard. Despite my passionate commitment to correct spelling and grammar an occasional misspelling in front of the class or a typo in the PowerPoint deck is inevitable.

    Here is where our old friend W.C. Fields comes to the rescue. After discovering a spelling mistake in front of a group of people I simply recite his pearl of wisdom, wait for the mild aknowledgement of smiles, and move on. No need to have your confidence shaken or allow the audience to derail your message. Just move on quickly with wit and aplomb.

    The aphorism plays equally well from the audience as it does from the podium. It is a great way to help a presenter through a rough spot if they become unnerved by a typo.

  • Be Interesting

    ByHeather

    If it weren’t for the rocks in its bed, the stream would have no song.

    — Carl Perkins, Rockabilly pioneer

    I have been hesitant to post this quote because of its inclination towards banality. I mean, come on, how corny is “the stream would have no song?” But there is an underlying wisdom to this rockabilly adage. We do not grow if we are not challenged.

    Lately I have been intrigued by the idea of what makes people interesting.

  • The South is a Place

    ByHeather

    The South is a place. East, west, and north are nothing but directions.

    — Letter to the editor, Richmond Times Dispatch, 1995

    I am reading the delightful book Confederates in the Attic. The quote above opens the second chapter.

    When I lived in Colorado I took every opportunity to explore the magnificent hiking trails and striking mountain vistas offered by the Rocky Mountains. When I lived in Albuquerque I breathed deep to absorb the Native American spirit still alive in The Land of Enchantment. And when I lived in Princeton, NJ, I savored Washington’s Crossing and then immersed myself in the local history surrounding the Revolutionary War.

  • Be the Best of Whatever You Are

    ByHeather

    If you can’t be a pine at the top of the hill,
         Be a shrub in the valley – but be
    The best little shrub by the side of the hill;
         Be a bush if you can’t be a tree.

    If you can’t be a bush, be a bit of grass,
         And some highway happier make;
    If you can’t be a muskie then just be a bass,
         But the liveliest bass in the lake!

    We can’t all be captains, some have to be crew,
         There’s something for all of us here;
    There’s work to be done, and we all have to do
         Our part in the way that’s sincere.

    If you can’t be a highway, then just be a trail,
         If you can’t be the sun, be a star;
    It isn’t by size that you win or you fail,
         Be the best of whatever you are.

    — Douglas Mallock

12 Comments

  1. I associate this saying pointing out the difference between perspective taking and empathy. Standing in someones shoes is perspective taking; walking a mile gives you the wearyness, joys, dangers of another’s journey, or empathy. cheers..jb

  4. So glad to be reminded of this quote. I’m in a dilemma at the moment because my boss has been trying to get rid of me for the last 3 years (I’m 63) and has reported me spuriously of being incompetent. I have a meeting on Tuesday to prove myself and came across your site when I suggested to my son that I take a pair of shoes of each person to the meeting to prove to them that I am a person and not just another number on the computer. Thank you so much
    Margaret

  5. I would like to know if you have the words of the complete poem. I cannot find it anywhere .

    thanks
    Lee

  6. Lee

    Thanks for the comment. I was not aware there was a complete poem. If you find it, please point me towards it.
    -Heather

  7. The scripture for tomorrow’s sermon will be taken from Matthew 5:43 where Jesus tells us to love our enemies. Walking in someone’s moccasins is the 1st step in following Jesus’command.

    Blessings
    Pastor Steve

  8. I love this Quote..it has been told to me a many times and also came from my American Native background family history. Thanks for sharing. julie

  9. I have been a pastor for 50 years and love to find quotes that come from the human family as they enrich our lives with such great depth. They also create a solidarity among us all. My grandmother use this quote often and from it (and her many examples) I grew a sense of empathy that has stayed with me all my life. Thanks for helping us all stay “connected” as those who seek wisdom for the human journey we all take.

  10. Love this saying, wish I could find it on ,a plague to hang on the wall.

  11. Pingback: Shoeless Paraprosdokian | It Seems To Me

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.