Walk A Mile In My Moccasins

ByHeather

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his moccasins.

— Source: my mom, although usually attributed to Native American sources but could be from ancient Rome and may have roots in Christ’s teaching in the Bible.

Even though this quote is an oldie but a goodie, it seemed fitting for my three day run with aphorisms on empathy. Loosely defined, empathy is the capability to share and understand another person’s emotions and feelings.

I believe that empathy is one of the most powerful tools in leadership, business, and life. By putting yourself in “the other person’s shoes” you can have richer interactions and make better decisions on every front. I am much more effective as a leader if I imagine how my style and actions are perceived by those I am endeavoring to lead. The products that I create or the services that I provide are much more valuable if put myself inside the mind of my customers as I create and deliver them.

On a very practical level, I was sitting in the audience of several presentations last week in which the speaker had filled his PowerPoint slides with so much text that they were barely readable. Worse, each click to a new slide presented me with a dilemma: should I tune out the speaker so as to absorb what is written on the slides? or should I ignore what is showing on the slides so as to listen to what the speaker is saying? Why didn’t the speaker imagine for one minute what it was going to be like to sit in the audience of their presentation? I know they put a lot of thought into what they wanted to tell me. Why didn’t they put a little thought into what it would be like to hear their message?

Empathy can be learned (I took a course on it in graduate school). Try it. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, if only for a moment.

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But Galileo had a telescope — and became convinced that Copernicus was right. He championed the sun-centric “theory” at great personal risk. He was declared a heretic, forced to recant, and spent the last years of his life under house arrest. The church did not lift its ban on the general prohibition against works advocating heliocentrism until 1758.

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In the glance of a speechless animal there is a discourse that only the soul of the wise can really understand.

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The South is a place. East, west, and north are nothing but directions.

— Letter to the editor, Richmond Times Dispatch, 1995

I am reading the delightful book Confederates in the Attic. The quote above opens the second chapter.

When I lived in Colorado I took every opportunity to explore the magnificent hiking trails and striking mountain vistas offered by the Rocky Mountains. When I lived in Albuquerque I breathed deep to absorb the Native American spirit still alive in The Land of Enchantment. And when I lived in Princeton, NJ, I savored Washington’s Crossing and then immersed myself in the local history surrounding the Revolutionary War.

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I fell in love with the idea of living in a loft in the early 80’s. I was just about to graduate from college and Jennifer Beals was dancing across the screen in Flashdance in a beautiful, industrial-strength loft. It was a beautiful living space — about 2,000 square feet with no walls and no rooms. Ever since then I have dreamed of living in a completely open floor plan. Bed at one end, kitchen at the other, living and dining and working in between.

We are in the process of relocating to North Carolina and have entertained the idea of living in a loft. Unfortunately, today’s brain-dead developers have co-opted the term “loft” in their attempt to be hip. The marketing people have not been talking to the architects and builders. …

Soaring to the Highest Heights

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. . . those who can soar to the highest heights can also plunge to the deepest depths, and the natures which suffer most sharply are those which also enjoy most keenly.

— Lucy Maud Montgomery, Ann of the Island

I grew up in a home where showing emotions was not encouraged. As I set out on my own I was proud of my ability to maintain an even keel. But as time wore on I came to realize that holding my emotions in check was just a cloak for numbness. A dear friend offered me this quote and I was suddenly free.

In order to soar to emotional heights I had to allow myself the possibility of plunging to the deepest depths. Goodbye even keel. I learned to embrace the lows and reveled in the highs. Sometimes you have to live with the rain. But when the sun eventually comes out — and it always does — the warmth and the light are more glorious than ever.

On the Financial Meltdown

ByHeather

As they say on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me, “and now for some quotes from this week’s news.”

First, a delightful blog I discovered called The Big Picture by Barry L. Ritholtz. In a post titled The Underlying Basis of Finance and Credit, Mr Ritholtz observes:

Over the entire history of human finance, the underlying premise of all credit transactions — loans, mortgages, and all debt instrument — has been the borrower’s ability to repay.

Except for [the 5 year period from 2002 to 2007] the entire history of human finance was rather reasonable about the basis for making loans in general, and extending mortgage loans in particular.

For 99.9996% of the last 1.2 million years, loans were granted primarily on the condition of whether or not the lender believed that the borrower could repay. Between 2002 and 2007 this condition was dropped.

12 Comments

  1. I associate this saying pointing out the difference between perspective taking and empathy. Standing in someones shoes is perspective taking; walking a mile gives you the wearyness, joys, dangers of another’s journey, or empathy. cheers..jb

  4. So glad to be reminded of this quote. I’m in a dilemma at the moment because my boss has been trying to get rid of me for the last 3 years (I’m 63) and has reported me spuriously of being incompetent. I have a meeting on Tuesday to prove myself and came across your site when I suggested to my son that I take a pair of shoes of each person to the meeting to prove to them that I am a person and not just another number on the computer. Thank you so much
    Margaret

  5. I would like to know if you have the words of the complete poem. I cannot find it anywhere .

    thanks
    Lee

  6. Lee

    Thanks for the comment. I was not aware there was a complete poem. If you find it, please point me towards it.
    -Heather

  7. The scripture for tomorrow’s sermon will be taken from Matthew 5:43 where Jesus tells us to love our enemies. Walking in someone’s moccasins is the 1st step in following Jesus’command.

    Blessings
    Pastor Steve

  8. I love this Quote..it has been told to me a many times and also came from my American Native background family history. Thanks for sharing. julie

  9. I have been a pastor for 50 years and love to find quotes that come from the human family as they enrich our lives with such great depth. They also create a solidarity among us all. My grandmother use this quote often and from it (and her many examples) I grew a sense of empathy that has stayed with me all my life. Thanks for helping us all stay “connected” as those who seek wisdom for the human journey we all take.

  10. Love this saying, wish I could find it on ,a plague to hang on the wall.

  11. Pingback: Shoeless Paraprosdokian | It Seems To Me

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