Listen with Intensity

In Writing Down the Bones, Natalie Goldberg’s classic collection of meditations on finding the writer within, she has an essay on talking and listening with friends as a means of bringing stories to life. She says,

Because of the intensity of her listening, the story, which I had told many times, took on a great brilliance. I remember the light off the wineglasses, the taste of my chocolate mousse.

We often think that our friends are interesting because of them: because of their personality or because of their stories. But there’s more to it than that. We are part of the dance. Our engagement is part of the equation. How interesting we find our friends also depends on how intensely we listen to them. When we engage others deeply and listen intensely their stories come alive and their personalities become more vibrant.

Who knew?

Similar Posts

  • Time without attention is worthless

    The worst of states is when you experience neither relaxation nor productivity. Be focused on work or focused on something else, never in-betweeen. Time without attention is worthless, so value attention over time.

    — Timothy Ferriss, 4-Hour Work Week.

    I am on the final chapters of 4-Hour Work Week. As hard as it is for me to imagine enjoying his company, Ferriss is nailing it.

  • On the Financial Meltdown

    As they say on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me, “and now for some quotes from this week’s news.”

    First, a delightful blog I discovered called The Big Picture by Barry L. Ritholtz. In a post titled The Underlying Basis of Finance and Credit, Mr Ritholtz observes:

    Over the entire history of human finance, the underlying premise of all credit transactions — loans, mortgages, and all debt instrument — has been the borrower’s ability to repay.

    Except for [the 5 year period from 2002 to 2007] the entire history of human finance was rather reasonable about the basis for making loans in general, and extending mortgage loans in particular.

    For 99.9996% of the last 1.2 million years, loans were granted primarily on the condition of whether or not the lender believed that the borrower could repay. Between 2002 and 2007 this condition was dropped.

  • Lying

    What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that from now on I can no longer believe you.

    — Friedrich Nietzsche

    Like most children, my parents raised me with an unending plea to always tell the truth. In my mom’s eyes, a clean conscience was to be valued above all else. “Besides,” she always said, “if you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember what you said.” I have carried this commitment to truth and honesty with me, almost to a fault. It has served me well.

    As I have observed the global meltdown of the financial industry I can’t help but believe that it has been forever transformed by a blatant lack of trust. When the banks stopped lending it was clear that they no longer believed one another. The Bernie Madoff case was the icing on the cake. It seems to me that it will take a long time to restore trust and confidence into the financial system. In the process, I am not sure what kind of “financial system” will actually emerge on the other side.

  • Simple Financial Recovery Plan

    My new favorite podcast is Planet Money. As the economic turmoil has progressed from frightening to surreal, the NPR crew at Planet Money have done a wonderful job explaining the intricacies of the complex financial world in terms that are easy to understand.

    Here is what I have been able to figure out so far. Forget about the subprime mortgage crisis. A huge part of the problem is these credit default swaps – to the tune of $55 trillion dollars. These “insurance policies” were not only taken out by people who lent money to protect themselves against potential loss. Financial gamblers were also taking out credit default swaps on other people’s loans! This is raw gambling. Some analysts estimate that for every CDF taken out to by a lender to protect a loan, ten other CDFs were sold by and for third parties on the same loan.

  • Growth

    Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.

    Edward Abbey

    Perhaps it is my natural temperament to do things deliberately and with purpose (after all, it is the tortoise who wins the race). Maybe it is my persistent skepticism. Quite possibly it is an outgrowth of my intuitive personality type (INTJ). Whatever the reason, I have always been resistant to Wall Street’s incessant demand for growth from public companies.

  • Choose your rut carefully…

    Choose your rut carefully, you’ll be in it for the next 50 miles.

    — Highway sign

    According to folklore, the above sign was spotted on the Alaskan highway. Or perhaps it was posted along the highways in the 20’s and 30’s, before blacktop became prevalent. Regardless of the source, it has served as an apt metaphor many times in my life.

    Each day we are faced with thousands of decisions: what to have for breakfast, what to wear, when to work out, how much time to spend surfing my RSS feeds. Most decisions have very short-term implications and can be corrected if errant.

    Occasionally decisions arise that have much longer-term implications: whether or not to take that new job, move to that new city, attend a certain college or purchase a particular car. In these cases, deliberation pays dividends. When I find myself facing such decisions I classify them with the “Choose your rut carefully” label. It may not be the most glamorous metaphor but it helps me take the time I need to make solid decisions.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.